Monthly Archives: October 2012


Fighting For Equal Rights


I try to stay away from posting anything political on here but something happened yesterday that has prompted me to write about gay rights and doing your homewok before voting.

I was raised to accept everyone.  My parents opened their home to all of our friends regardless of race, ethnicity, etc.  I’ll admit, I didn’t really know any gay people growing up or at least, not anyone I KNEW was gay.  Obviously, this is not the case anymore and honestly, it’s not even something I think about.  My friends are my friends regardless of their sexual orientation…it just doesn’t MATTER to me.  I will never be able to fathom why ANYONE would think a gay couple should have different rights that a heterosexual one.  It just boggles my mind.

Yesterday, a friend posted this video on Facebook (And can I say that I LOVE this guy!).  After she posted it, a friend of hers pretty much said he didn’t understand the point of adding gays to the list of minorities that cannot be discriminated against because “everyone is protected from discrimination already, why is adding more words to specify another group necessary?”  The fact that he even had to ask that question kind of scared me.  So he and I went back and forth a bit about it and we were both polite about it.  My friend let me know privately that this guy is a strict Republican which I had already pretty much figured out.  My friend jumped in a bit too even though she said she knew better and then the conversation took a turn toward gay marriage.  This guy actually asked what rights gay couples don’t have that married, heterosexual couples do.  I…WAS….SPEECHLESS.  And so was my friend who said her head pretty much exploded at that point.  So, we enlisted the help of a mutual friend who is a lesbian.  We knew if anyone could put this guy in his place, she could.  And she did.  She gave him just SOME of the rights she and her partner do not have because they are gay.  Not to be outdone, the assclown asked her what SHE was doing to change any of this.  Again, I kind of had to hold back myself..  Nothing bugs me more than people who assume that someone is all talk and no action.  And he couldn’t be more wrong about my friend…she is PASSIONATE about gay rights and she isn’t the type to just sit by and wait for things to happen…she’s a DOER.  So, she let him know exactly what she has been doing in her fight for equal rights and I can guarantee it’s more than this guy is doing for anything he believes in.  I could hear several people applauding her at their computers and so far, that has been the end of the conversation but I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes back.

But, this whole thing makes me wonder about some people in our country.  As my lesbian friend pointed out, if HE had to ask what rights gay couples don’t have, that means there are A LOT more people out there who also don’t know and that’s scary.  These are the people who are voting and if they don’t know what rights a certain group DON’T have, how can they make an informed decision?  And what is even scarier is that many of these people don’t care to LEARN.  They listen to their candidate and just blindly follow without researching whether or not what said candidate wants is fair or even makes sense.

So PLEASE, if you plan to vote, do your homework.  Don’t be a blind follower.  Look into your candidate’s position on things, check any of the numerous, unbiased fact checking sites and make an INFORMED decision.  Our future and the future of our children depends on it.


Remembering Lost Angels


Today is National Pregnancy And Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  Honestly, I’m surprised that this is the first time I have done a post about it.  Given my history, you would have thought I’d be all over it before now.  But, better late than never, I guess.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss remains a taboo subject although I do think pregnancy loss is even more so.  It’s just not something many people talk about or understand.  When I talked about my losses, I was AMAZED at the number of people I knew who had suffered them as well,  I already knew several of my online friends had but that circle grew to include many others including several real life friends, a former neighbor and my aunt who had also delivered a stillborn son and then lost his surviving twin 13 years later.  It is a large club and I wish more people felt comfortable acknowledging that they are a part of it.

I was lucky at the time of my first loss.  I belonged to an online community of moms and many of them had suffered miscarriages.  I had a place I could feel comfortable taking about it but I remember thinking that I didn’t feel very comfortable talking about it in real life.  And even after four losses, that really hasn’t changed. So many people seem to think our babies lost before they were born don’t matter as much as ones lost after they are born and that hurts.They were still our babies even if we never met them.  We still feel the loss.  I get that people don’t always know what to say or do but a simple “I’m sorry” is often enough.  But if you feel THAT isn’t enough, you can find guidance here at Band Back Together.  It also gives a good list of what NOT to say to someone who has had a miscarriage.  I wish people I know had read it before I had my losses.  It would have saved me a lot of pain.

The taboo surrounding these losses is why I do what I do at Band Back Together and Surviving River.  I know many people aren’t as lucky as I was to have people who understood.  I want people who have been through what I have to be able to have a place to talk about it…a place where people understand and know what to say.  A place where people will not be insensitive or judge.  And most of all, I want the taboo REMOVED.  I want people to be able to speak freely about their lost babies without fear of making anyone uncomfortable.  So PLEASE, if you have suffered a miscarriage or infant loss, TALK about it.  And if you are close to someone who has suffered one of these losses, LET them talk about it and LISTEN.  The more people do these things, the less taboo it will become.

Please join me today in remembering all the babies lost too soon.  If you ar ethe parent of one, please feel free to share your angel on Band Back Together’s Wall of Remembrance.  And everyone, please light a candle at 7 p.m. where ever you are in remembrance of these lost angels and in support of their parents who will forever have a hole in their hearts and their lives.