Categotry Archives: The Band


Remembering Lost Angels


Today is National Pregnancy And Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  Honestly, I’m surprised that this is the first time I have done a post about it.  Given my history, you would have thought I’d be all over it before now.  But, better late than never, I guess.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss remains a taboo subject although I do think pregnancy loss is even more so.  It’s just not something many people talk about or understand.  When I talked about my losses, I was AMAZED at the number of people I knew who had suffered them as well,  I already knew several of my online friends had but that circle grew to include many others including several real life friends, a former neighbor and my aunt who had also delivered a stillborn son and then lost his surviving twin 13 years later.  It is a large club and I wish more people felt comfortable acknowledging that they are a part of it.

I was lucky at the time of my first loss.  I belonged to an online community of moms and many of them had suffered miscarriages.  I had a place I could feel comfortable taking about it but I remember thinking that I didn’t feel very comfortable talking about it in real life.  And even after four losses, that really hasn’t changed. So many people seem to think our babies lost before they were born don’t matter as much as ones lost after they are born and that hurts.They were still our babies even if we never met them.  We still feel the loss.  I get that people don’t always know what to say or do but a simple “I’m sorry” is often enough.  But if you feel THAT isn’t enough, you can find guidance here at Band Back Together.  It also gives a good list of what NOT to say to someone who has had a miscarriage.  I wish people I know had read it before I had my losses.  It would have saved me a lot of pain.

The taboo surrounding these losses is why I do what I do at Band Back Together and Surviving River.  I know many people aren’t as lucky as I was to have people who understood.  I want people who have been through what I have to be able to have a place to talk about it…a place where people understand and know what to say.  A place where people will not be insensitive or judge.  And most of all, I want the taboo REMOVED.  I want people to be able to speak freely about their lost babies without fear of making anyone uncomfortable.  So PLEASE, if you have suffered a miscarriage or infant loss, TALK about it.  And if you are close to someone who has suffered one of these losses, LET them talk about it and LISTEN.  The more people do these things, the less taboo it will become.

Please join me today in remembering all the babies lost too soon.  If you ar ethe parent of one, please feel free to share your angel on Band Back Together’s Wall of Remembrance.  And everyone, please light a candle at 7 p.m. where ever you are in remembrance of these lost angels and in support of their parents who will forever have a hole in their hearts and their lives.


PROUD To Be With The Band


Yesterday I blogged about my circle of online mom friends.  Today I would like to expand on my circle of online friends to include another group of women who have become a part of my everyday life.

Late last year I came across a blog called Mommy Wants Vodka.  I believe I found my way there from another blog but who knows.  Anyway, it’s the blog of a woman who calls herself Aunt Becky.  Becky has a penchant for four letter words and using phrases like “Amazeballs, ”  “Awesomesauce, ” and “Kick it in the taco!”  I was instantly smitten.  I stalked her blog daily for about a week and eventually made my way over to her blogroll.  Over there I found a few more great blogs including another one run by Becky called Band Back Together.  I think I was totally absorbed in BB2G for a good two or three days straight reading almost all the posts.

Becky started BB2G because she herself has faced some tough times.  Her oldest son was born autistic and her daughter was born with encephalopathy which required surgery within days of her birth.  Amelia is now a healthy, normal little girl but the experience left Becky with PTSD.  As one of the faces of mental illness, Becky felt the need to help others with her own brand of support and humor.  And so, BB2G was born in September 2010.
BB2G is more than a blog or web site…it’s a resource.  It’s a place where people who have suffered loss, illness, and other issues can come and share their stories without judgement.  The site includes a page of resources for everything and anything.  If you need info on suicide, miscarriage, etc., it’s right there at your fingertips.  And then there is The Band…it is a resource itself.  When you post on BB2G, you get love and support NO MATTER WHAT.  And you will often get more support than you know what to do with!

A few months ago, I became a Brain Behind The Band.  I help out behind the scenes with promotion, support, commenting and spreading news about BB2G on social media.  Through BB2G, my circle of online friends has grown.  I have never met a group of people more supportive of people they don’t know.  We have had people post when they are on the brink of suicide and we have helped pull them back from the edge.  We had had people with Postpartum Depression say on other support sites that BB2G is one of the only sites where they have found support….that they have felt ignored elsewhere.  To me, that is a HUGE testament to what BB2G does.  BB2G is trying to erase the stigma of things like mental illness and infertility…to encourage people to talk about these things and seek help.  And now, we are in the process of trying to make BB2G a nonprofit organization…one of the most kickass of ALL non profits, if you ask me!

Man, as I read over this, I don’t feel like I am doing The Band justice.  I’m not sure I can put into words what they do for people.  So I encourage you to visit us there.  Share your stories, support others and support the site that so many people turn to when they feel they have nowhere else to go.  I feel like the only way for you to see what we are is to go and see for yourself.  And I hope when you do, you will see why I am PROUD to be with The Band.