Today is National Pregnancy And Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Honestly, I’m surprised that this is the first time I have done a post about it. Given my history, you would have thought I’d be all over it before now. But, better late than never, I guess.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss remains a taboo subject although I do think pregnancy loss is even more so. It’s just not something many people talk about or understand. When I talked about my losses, I was AMAZED at the number of people I knew who had suffered them as well, I already knew several of my online friends had but that circle grew to include many others including several real life friends, a former neighbor and my aunt who had also delivered a stillborn son and then lost his surviving twin 13 years later. It is a large club and I wish more people felt comfortable acknowledging that they are a part of it.
I was lucky at the time of my first loss. I belonged to an online community of moms and many of them had suffered miscarriages. I had a place I could feel comfortable taking about it but I remember thinking that I didn’t feel very comfortable talking about it in real life. And even after four losses, that really hasn’t changed. So many people seem to think our babies lost before they were born don’t matter as much as ones lost after they are born and that hurts.They were still our babies even if we never met them. We still feel the loss. I get that people don’t always know what to say or do but a simple “I’m sorry” is often enough. But if you feel THAT isn’t enough, you can find guidance here at Band Back Together. It also gives a good list of what NOT to say to someone who has had a miscarriage. I wish people I know had read it before I had my losses. It would have saved me a lot of pain.
The taboo surrounding these losses is why I do what I do at Band Back Together and Surviving River. I know many people aren’t as lucky as I was to have people who understood. I want people who have been through what I have to be able to have a place to talk about it…a place where people understand and know what to say. A place where people will not be insensitive or judge. And most of all, I want the taboo REMOVED. I want people to be able to speak freely about their lost babies without fear of making anyone uncomfortable. So PLEASE, if you have suffered a miscarriage or infant loss, TALK about it. And if you are close to someone who has suffered one of these losses, LET them talk about it and LISTEN. The more people do these things, the less taboo it will become.
Please join me today in remembering all the babies lost too soon. If you ar ethe parent of one, please feel free to share your angel on Band Back Together’s Wall of Remembrance. And everyone, please light a candle at 7 p.m. where ever you are in remembrance of these lost angels and in support of their parents who will forever have a hole in their hearts and their lives.